Need to Know Information

Need to know information about before your next visit to a restaurant:
I am a server. I make $3.93 an hour. The correct way to calculate the tip you should be leaving is to multiply the total of you check by .2. That is 20% folks. Still not following? Let me break it down for you a little bit more. Everyday I walk into my restaurant. I complete tedious tasks such as cutting lemons for your water so you can make your own lemonade instead of buying one. My job is not simply getting your drinks and bringing your food. I listen to your stupid ass jokes. Do you know how many times a day I hear “pay our check” after I ask you if there’s anything else I can do for you? I take your pictures when I’ve got 17 other things I could be doing. Apparently I’m also a photographer. I make sure the meal you’ve ordered is safe to eat because in your head you believe you have a gluten allergy. I make dumb faces at your baby. I clean up after your bad ass kids. You ask me to cut your birthday cake? I will. But you better give me a piece. Your grandma is rude as fuck and your grandpa smells like moth balls. I know everything about the fucking menu. And if I don’t I will find out for you. You want extra cherries in your shirely temple? Fucking fine. Separate checks? Done. But you want his glass of wine on his check and his beer on yours. Ok. But could you write that in the form of a word problem and make me solve it too? You want some weird ass dish that’s nowhere remotely close to anything on our menu? I can do that. But Chef is going to day dream about kicking me and you in the teeth for the rest of the day. I honor your expired coupons. I shouldn’t. But I do. Still not understanding why you should be leaving me a crisp 20 on your $100 check? Well, I also tip the bartender, the food runner, and a busser. So, I actually only keep about $17.50 of that $20. And at the end of my shift I report to the government how much money I made. Which then calculates the tax on the money and deducts in from my paycheck. Which was $0.44 last week. Lastly, if you for some reason or another have a discount applied to your check make sure you are tipping on the total beforehand. I did the same amount of work whether you’ve got a discount or not. And lastly, lastly, quit leaving me literature about your church, or Jesus, or being saved. I wont be attending you mass this Sunday because Saturday I waited tables until midnight and then got piss ass drunk afterwards. That’s how I cope with the above described. So please for the love of your shellfish allergy, if you still don’t think your required to tip your server just stay the fuck home.

-Tiffany

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